So far so good.....(knock wood)

Had a talk with Junebug's teacher today.  He told me that on the first day of meds Junebug was able to do 3 pages of work in school and that he had never done that before.  The teacher was very impressed.  I pray that is continues this way.  Junebug seems to be doing well on just one pill in the morning.  The psych wanted me to give him one in the morning and one in the afternoon so he could do his homework but I haven't found it necessary.  He comes home, eats and then does his homework with no problems.  I mean it is still not his fav this to do but he does it and it's over with.

I pray that this dosage continues to work for him. It is 10 mg right now.  I want him to take as little of it as necessary.  He is still the same child as before.  Constantly talking and running around and wanting to play.  But I see that he can concentrate on his school work and get it done and that was my goal. 

Will keep you posted. 

Mornings....

Did I tell you I hate mornings?  Not because I'm not a morning person...I am.  Once the alarm goes off I'm up and out of bed and getting ready for the day.  And I am in a pretty good mood until Junebug has to be woken up.  Repeated times of calling him, going to him, trying to get him out of bed. 

Then there is the breakfast hassle.  Finish your breakfast...I don't want to.  You haven't eaten anything...I don't care.  You need to eat so you can take your medicine...I don't care!  Please eat your breakfast...NO!  If you don't take your medicine you can't concentrate in school....I don't care!!!  Leave me alone!!! 

ARGH!!!!!  It is enough to make me want to pull my hair out....actually it's enough to make me want to commit myself. 

Of course, my wonderful husband (said sacastically) doesn't help.  He just yells.  Then Junebug starts to cry. And there is still no breakfast eaten and no medicine taken.  Then of course it's my fault because I should have woken him up 15 minutes earlier.  Huh?!  Ok.

What to do....what to do?  That is always my question.  What the hell should I do?! 

The results are in....

Doc appointment yesterday with Junebug's pyschologist.  He is ADD with H.  (formerly ADHD)  We started meds today much to his father's disappointment.  His father is very against the meds, which I can understand as I was too, at first.  Now I realise that my child needs this medication to be able to function 'normally' in school. 

Apparently now I am the cause of Junebug not doing well in school.  Somehow everything always ends up being my fault but this one I didn't see coming.  How in the world is this my fault?  I am the one that sits down with him everyday to do homework. I am the one that takes him to school and picks him up everyday.  I am the one that takes him to the doc, or museums, or sports, or the park, etc.  I am the one that takes him everywhere except to get his haircut.  That must be it!  I didn't take him to get his haircut I let his father take him.  argh!!!!! 

It is not enough that I am frustrated with the fact that Junebug has this....his father has to be a total ass.  Instead of helping me and trying to figure out how to coach Junebug when he is home, he yells and hits.  But everything is my fault. 

Junebug took a half a pill this morning. (5 mg) The doc said half a pill mornings and lunch time for three days and then a whole pill.  Junebug said himself he was able to better concentrate and math was actually fun today.  I asked him if he had a headache or felt wierd after he took the pill and he said no.  That made me happy.  I do worry about the fact that most children lose their appetites on this med but I am hoping that it will pass quickly. 

Will keep posting on how it is going. 

Doing better?

We have improved in some areas, in otheres it is still very difficult.  The chart is helping though we are still whinney when we just absolutely want our way.

Have an appointment next week to find out the results of his tests.  We'll see if he is ADD or ADHD or not.  If yes, then we'll go from there.  If not, well...then I guess we'll go from THERE. 

Am trying not to be so stressed about it but it hard.  I have my own issues at the moment that I am trying to deal with. (stomach uclers, etc.) Which doesn't help but there is nothing I can do about it. 

Will write more later as we are off to Junebug's gifted class this afternoon.

And the principal calls...

This morning Junebug was hell bent on taking his laser-pointer to school.  DH said no, Junebug threw a fit.  I said, ok but you only play with it during recess and don't point it at anyone.  If it gets taken away then you don't get to watch t.v. when you get home from school.  DH left mad mumbling how wrong I was.

So, I was wrong. The prinicpal calls just as Junebug is getting home from school.  During recess he was pointing it at kids and pointed it at one teacher in the eye and she has gone to the eye doctor and don't be surprised if we get a letter due to this.  Great!

Does it have to be something with this child every single day?!  I don't even want to go anywhere anymore or send him anyhwere anymore.  Can we just stay home?!  I wish Germany allowed home schooling. 

I don't know whether to cry or yell or what.  We talked about it and Junebug said it was an accident.  Still, if DH finds out about it we are both gonna get it! 

Why can't I have a child like everyone else's?  All my neighbor's kids are all ok.  They  do well in school. They have never had anyone call them because their child did this or that.  No one complains about their kids. 

Ok, so this is another test I assume.  I have been tested my whole life.  I am really trying to see the silver lining here but it's awful fuzzy.  And of course DH just doesn't understand because he doesn't have to be around Junebug all day.  He gets to go out of town and out of the country. 

Ya Allah!  Please grant me sabr and help me to see the khair, insha'Allah!  Amin!

A long time coming....

Junebug is now almost 8 years old and I can see looking back that this has been a long time coming but for some reason I never wanted to except it.  I have always been judged on my parenting style and that has always been blamed for the way that Junebug acts.  It's always my fault. 

I have read so many books and tried so many parenting styles all to no avail.  So now, after his teacher's promting, Junebug went toeh psychologist for the first time.  She is fairly sure that he has ADHD but will test him this week to make sure and see how sever it is. 

I feel lost.  I don't know what to do.  She said I need to 'coach' him and stay calm and not get emotionally involved.  Yeah....ok....and how do I do that?  It's ok for the first half an hour or so but when this child runs out of the house screaming and crying and refuses to come back, how do you stay calm?  When this child refuses to listen, what do you do?

He will not listen, he will not do what he is told to do. It is a constant battle with him.  He has even started to hit me.  And when he hits it is hard.  Husband says I am just lowering myself to his level and acting like a child.  Uh, wtf?!  I am the mother, he should noramlly do what I say and have respect for me.  But he doesn't.  Instead of husband helping he just makes things for me, at least, worse.  I feel he is no help at all. 

An example from this morning...it is time for Junebug to go to the mosque.  Get out of bed, it's time to get up. No!  I'm not going!  Yes, you are. No! It is a struggle to get him dressed.  He refuses to let me get him dressed, he refuses to get himself dressed.  It results in my grabbing him and getting him dressed. Then he is out of bed and dressed, I tell him to go wash his face. No! I'm not going to!  After a few rounds of this, I just grab him by the arm and take him to bathroom.  I have to put one arm around both of him and use the other to wash him face, all the while he is still trying to hold my hand with his so I don't wash his face.  Then that is over, I dry his face and tell him to put on his shoes. No! So, again, take him by the arm, put on his shoes, then his jacket. The whole time he is whinnig that he is not going. Get his jacket on and he darts outside without his backpack. I have to go after him.  He refuses to stay still or come back to the house. I do not want or feel like chasing him. I wait til he walks back around and give him is his backpack. The neighbor from upstairs comes down at this time. (it is her turn to drive today) and asks what is going on.  She is my best friend and is aware of our 'issue'. I tell her he ran out the door and now will not listen as I need to tell him to give the teacher some money I have packed in his bag for a book. (he has his hands over his ears and is screaming la-la-la) She says, I'll talk to him you go home.  So, off they go.  I come back inside and can't help but cry.

Will things get better?  I pray it will.  I am trying sooo hard not to ask Allah why?  But it is really hard.